WHY do I continue to pick at hangnails when I know it's going to end in pain and, sometimes bleeding? I continue on, even when it starts to hurt. And while I'm telling myself I should stop. This is really one of the reasons I took up knitting...if I have something to do with my hands, I don't pick at my hangnails. As much. But here at the wonderful world of work, doing stuff is not allowed. In fact, if I were caught doing this, I'd probably get fired since I'm on a final write-up for, you guessed it, doing stuff. There are folks who can do nothing and be happy and I am not one of them. Hence, this blog of sorts.
It's a boring night, and I'm probably going to regret saying that. My games are caught up for the moment-waiting for things to grow. I could start searching the classifieds, I guess, but I'm not sure what I want to do. And in some ways, it's better to stick with the devil you know. I honestly thought I would be over my teenage angst by now. It's a little early for the mid-life crisis. I think that it is mostly knowing what I want but not being able to overcome the fear to go after it. Although I have decided that the next time I see him, which should be Thursday, good Lord willing and the crick don't rise, that I love him. If that's it and he "breaks up" then I'll be devastated, but then I'll know. It will take some work and some time and then I'll be okay though. The "Band-Aid" theory of life - do it, get it over with and then nurse your wounds. And it's been long enough. He's still young enough to build a family, if that's what he wants. I'd rather it was with me, but if he wants kids, it's probably not me. Age is a factor there, I'm hesitant to inflict my gene pool on another poor kid. But mostly it's my aged eggs.